Business Coach Email
Background
Alexis is a high ticket sales coach for coaches and consultants.
I have been on Alexis’ email list for 2 weeks. In that time she has sent me 13 emails.
So she is consistent with her outreach.
Here Alexis’ email below. Then you’ll find the strengths and weaknesses, as I see them, and at the bottom, please enjoy my rewrite.
Strengths
Alexis uses bold font well throughout her email.
She also uses white space effectively to spread out the sentences making the email readable.
The email has some emotional triggers.
It is written in a conversational tone which is usually best for email campaigns.
She includes a clear CTA at the end for her readers: Reply to this email…
Weaknesses
The email does not have a greeting at the beginning. When we insert a greeting at the beginning of an email, it helps the reader connect with the sender in a more personal way.
The large picture at the top of the email is potentially too large and could upset the Promo Tab guards.
The subject line and headline are the same. “Still attracting low ticket buyers and cannot figure out why?”
It’s fine for them to be the same but the font is crunched together which makes it difficult to read. However, duplicating sentences may not be the best use of those two important pieces of email real estate.
The sender uses center alignment for her margins which is making it awkward to read.
The copy itself has several sentences that are difficult to read.
The message is conflicting – you are a 7 to 8-figure leader, but you’re not attracting high-ticket clients. The conflict must be rectified to make her messaging realistic and consistent.
I can see that the sender is trying to attract 7 and 8 figure leaders into her business because she is calling them out at the beginning of her email. However, they’re probably not having trouble attracting clients who make high ticket purchases if they are, indeed, 7 or 8 figure leaders.
So I think she needs to find a different pain point for her ideal audience and draw attention to that issue.
Or, she needs to call out business owners who are not at the 7 or 8 figure rung on the ladder and sharpen the knife on their pain points as to why they aren’t at that level.
Suggestions
Make the image at the top smaller (the number of pixels depends on the size of the email inside the ESP).
Change the font of the headline inside the email to a more easily readable one.
Change ‘cannot’ to ‘can’t’ for readability and to keep the tone conversational and friendly.
Using left justification in the body copy to makes it easier to read than center alignment.
The sender should keep her use of bold font now and then to emphasize certain points.
I would add a greeting at the beginning of the email such as: Hello Friend or Hi {First name} to help the tone feel more intimate.
Rewrite
Here is how I would rewrite this email taking my suggestions into consideration and sharpening her target audience as being coaches and consultants who are not quite at the 7 and 8 figure mark.
Hi {FIRST NAME},
Are you attracting the clients you really want to work with?
Do you feel energetically aligned with the business you’ve created?
Have you reached the goals you set for your business a year or two ago?
If you answered no to any of these questions, then you should read on….
I’m Alexis and I believe in you and your mission.
Your drive is to make a difference in other people’s lives and especially in their lives as flourishing business owners.
However, you may need to step out of your own way and reclaim the inner power of confidence before you can reach your own next level.
Once you do that inner work, you’ll automatically begin attracting the clients just right for you.
Working one-on-one with me for six months is your best way to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself.
Why do I say that?
Because I have been where you are now.
I spent years building up my client base and I've experienced the ups and downs you’re experiencing now.
I’m here to sit alongside you as you strive to your next level.
This means you’ll have a guiding partner in the background to keep you on track.
A guiding partner who has made the leap from low ticket sales to high ticket sales and I have the bumps and bruises to show for it.
However, you can have the benefit of my experience without having to waste your time collecting those bumps and bruises yourself.
In fact, you can have me as your personal guide on your business evolution for the next six months.
And a lot can happen in six months.
Entire lives can turn around. Businesses can be built and grown to massive proportions. Success that seemed impossibly far away can fall into your hands.
Especially with a coach who brings out the best in you and is on your side every step of the way.
Are you ready for your next six months to look nothing like the last six?
Then reply to this email and we’ll get started right away turning the future of your dreams into reality.
With all my heart,
Alexis
If you’re a business owner and have an email list with over 1,000 subscribers, contact me at nancy@nancybushagency.com if you’d like help avoiding the email mistakes you read about here.
